Tuesday, 3 January 2017

2016: What a year!

2016: What a year!

Finally, a new year has replaced 2016. Many had waited to see the year out with bated breath. It is not that the out gone year was the worst since creation. But certainly, many will readily support the argument that the year which we just bade farewell to was one that hunger, lack, deaths, disasters, blackmail, deprivations and many of such dark tales reigned supreme leaving in its wake angry and hungry citizens.

In Nigeria, it was a year that recession became the unofficial language of its people. It became a lingo. A common phrase used by both the low and high class citizens. Even before the federal government accepted the fate that had befallen us, Nigerians were already swimming in the pool of recession. Food prices had hit the roof. Kerosene was beyond the reach of the average Nigerian. The Naira was on a free fall as Nigerians bore the pangs with unusual equanimity. 

Quite unsurprising too, some fun spots that usually boomed with revellers were a shadow of themselves during the festive season. The seats, usually filled up, were empty. Fun spots were left desolate as many were holed up in their homes. Reason? No money. 


The pastime of frolicking around with gay relish by randy men was on holiday. The recession meant that men became satisfied with one woman. Only a few, perhaps, jet set men indulged in the luxury of keeping more than one woman. Even women who placed themselves on a pedestal had to come down from their high horses in solidarity with the times. They had to manage the little that was available. Guys were scarce. One was afraid to toast any woman. Caution and discipline were the word. It was that bad!

Earlier in the year, Nigerians had to moil and toil to buy fuel. The queues were frightening. Where one could find one to buy, the price was scary. As the year gradually wound down, queues at ATM points replaced those at filling stations. Cash dried up in banks. It was a classic case of one’s money being trapped. It is your money but you couldn’t withdraw same. 

At a point, people were paid half of what they wanted. You needed N50, 000 but went home with N20, 000. It was worse during the usually frenzied festive season. As many rushed to withdraw money for the celebrations, they were met by empty ATM points. In order to beat the long queues where the ATM was a bit generous, many had to leave their homes as early as 6am. But much to their consternation, the queue remained sickeningly snaky.

As Nigerians were gradually coming to terms with the recessionary times, Mavrodi Mondial Moneybox, popularly known as MMM came into the fray. The online bank made Nigerians instant millionaires. In a flash, many were caught in the web of the quick returns that MMM offered. Just like the now famed white paper, the ponzi scheme was embraced by Nigerians of all cadre.

 Couples, youths, organisations; even religious organisations bought into the scheme. As more Nigerians enlisted into the MMM bug, news made the rounds that the scheme has suspended all payments till January 12, 2017. Hopes were dashed, marriages crashed. Some, unable to stomach it all, took to suicide.

Many questioned the sudden announcement of suspension of payments. To many of its adherents, the promise of a comeback cuts no ice with them. They obstinately doubt that the company will come back as promised. 

There are others who are optimistic that the company will keep to its promise of a return in January. Whichever divide one belongs here, the reality is that millions have been trapped in this Ponzi scheme. And if they fail (God forbid) to return and dispense cash to its adherents as promised, it will certainly not augur well for many Nigerians who invested huge sums into the scheme. While the next major event in the early part of the year is Valentine’s Day, there is little doubt that a great number of Nigerians, especially MMM disciples have set alarm reminders on their phones firmly on January 12, hoping and praying earnestly that Mavrodi Mondial Moneybox returns. 

In Akwa Ibom, tears, blood and sorrow were on free reign when the Reigners Bible Church uncompleted building collapsed on worshipers during the ill fated Bishopric enthronement of its founder, Apostle Akan Weeks. On that fateful Saturday, all roads led to Uyo Village Road for the much anticipated event. Gospel ministers from across the country were there.  With Governor Udom Emmanuel present in the church, it meant the whole apparatchik of government was there too. Everybody was dressed to the nines. 

Being a high-octane occasion, no one wanted lagging behind in matters of fashion. As worshippers settled into the event of the day, none had any premonition whatsoever that a cosmic disaster was in the offing. Brochure for the day was distributed by gaily dressed ushers who led guests to their seats with practised courtesy. 

The choir sang to the high heavens even as music wafted from the speakers with great intensity. The dangerously dangling (though, unnoticed) building was exquisitely decorated. Indeed, the church, though uncompleted was ‘befittingly’ put in order for the Bishopric ordination, so the organisers thought. But as guests and worshipers alike got immersed in prayers, worship and solemnity of the day, calamity struck. The church building caved in on all. Many lay dead while several others escaped injured or unhurt. 

It was a gloomy day for the state. It was one disaster that shook the state to its very foundations. Never have such a disaster occurred here. Not even our oft riotous elections have caused much tears as this church collapse did. Families were gone. Future leaders and great men/women were cut down in their prime. Destinies got lost in a canvas of blood. Those who trooped to Uyo village road to see it all were not only terrified by the gravity of the tragedy but as mangled bodies were chauffeured by ambulances to mortuaries, it was all tears and sorrow. 

When the news broke, people made frantic calls. They wanted to find out if any of their family members was there. One’s heart sank if a call to his/her loved one mobile phone was unanswered or switched off. When the news hit cyberspace, many had waved it off as one of those contrived pictures posted daily on social media platforms. But it all appeared true to yours truly when a woman in a queue at First bank suddenly fell down moments after receiving a call, ostensibly to the effect that Reigners Bible Church had collapsed. As she was being helped up by fellow customers, she hollered in a shivering voice: “my husband, my husband...’’ it was then that those of us that were doubting the pictures posted online knew that all was not well.

 The cause of the disaster is still a matter of conjecture. While some have blamed it all on Akan Weeks, querying why he sought to become a Bishop in the first instance, others have laid the blame on the engineers and contractors that handled the project. Determined to unravel the true cause of the collapse, a Commission of Enquiry set up by the state government have already swung into action with the aim of getting to the roots of the matter. We are waiting to get all the details.

When one had thought that no other issue would crop up to generate such interest as did the church collapse, the cyberspace was abuzz with news that Eka Udo, a popular eatery in Uyo, boomed with customers only because the owner used water from mortuary to prepare her meal! Not a few persons were shocked. It is a place visited by the high and mighty. Food here is served in a buffet style. She sells the everyday food you and I eat daily, but how she attracts such volume of patronage has left her competitors startled.  Some say she is courteous and treats her customers with respect. Others say it’s the taste of her meal. 

While the controversy lasted, members of Eka Udo fraternity still professed their unwavering loyalty to her pot. They went on the rooftop and proclaimed to whoever cared to listen that “in Eka Udo, we stand.’’ They maintained that those peddling the tale are bent on throwing spanners into another’s business. It is the character of Akwa Ibom people, they reasoned.

Investigation later revealed that all that was a fat lie from the pit of hell. Eka Udo, it was learnt, is sick and when she is back to her feet, will reopen for business Monday 9. What did those that spread this canard out to achieve? Bring her down? Cause her customers to vomit all they have ever eaten there and thereafter stop going to Eka Udo’s place? 

While they have clearly failed in their plot, haven’t they unwittingly advertised Eka Udo to the world? The woman in question does not have a Facebook account but her name trended on major social media platforms like hot cake. Will Eka Udo command the huge patronage as she did before this tale hit public space? Haven’t she gained more customers who are anxiously waiting for her to reopen by all this controversy? 

One only hopes that 2017 will be devoid of all the foregoing sad incidents, disasters, hunger and pull-him-down syndrome. 


One only hopes that 2017 will be devoid of all the foregoing sad incidents, disasters, hunger and pull-him-down syndrome.

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