Overcoming your child’s negative temperament

 

Children with extreme negative temperament always seem to be in bad moods that their constants complaints and apparent unhappiness can wear on a parent. As a mother, it’s very easy to be upset with such a child but you have to develop coping strategies that will work for you and the child as well. This will enable him/her manage his negative outlook and appreciate the joys life brings everyday without being hurt. Approaches that can help in coping with a child’s negative temperament are as follows:

Be undistracted of some bad moods: When you don’t react to a child’s negativity, you are simply extinguishing them. This is not to say that you should totally ignore your child when he/she is exhibiting a swing, rather ignore the mood. You can achieve this by knowing when you should talk to your child. You should understand that it’s not all the time your child needs someone to talk to; there are times he/she needs to be left alone but if need be, you can keep the communication line open while minding the tone you use along the line and issues you discuss at such times. You may need to postpone some discussions until your child is in a better mood. You don’t have to remind him/her at such times of his/her academic failures or call him/her unpleasant names. Even the Bible has confirmed that there is time for everything. As a mother, you need to understand when you should talk to your child and get the best result. It is not right for another person to fully understand your child more than you do when that child is still under your care.

Identify the underlying needs: When you understand your child’s negative mood, it’s quite easy to follow him/her up. You’ll know if he is always in a good state of mind when he wakes in the morning or when he returns from school, or after eating etc. You’ll know if he is vulnerable to irritability when he is tired or hungry or when he is being forced to eat. Perhaps, new situations are bound to elicit a negative reaction so observe his social interactions at school or at the play ground conflict. For instance, if you know your child does not like eating, you can arouse his/her interest by telling stories, teasing and singing some songs that will win his interest. You don’t have to force him. When you address his underlying physical and emotional needs you will be able to moderate his negative moods.

Confront Negativity: Don’t allow your child’s mood to escalate to an extent where his/her consistent complains and negative reaction controls the family atmosphere. Don’t assume also that such tantrums will be corrected by the years. Rather, point out the wrongs in such actions or statements. You can flog or warn him/her sternly to show that you are against any of such behavior.

Teach positive Attitudes: Though assuming a child with a negative temperament will develop a cheerful, positive attitude as they grow older is a probability, you the mother can help him learn to act positively even when he is not happy about. This act which may not count today will be appreciated in the future. Guide him on how to make amends when he has damaged a social relationship with his negative attitude and help him develop hobbies and interest he enjoys. This will provide a calming relief of a negative mood. Give him choices between two options even when he is not happy about either. Show him lots of affection, appreciation and love so that he will learn to share same. Doing this will provide a model for living that will allow him to overcome his challenging temperament.

One of the Bestselling Books authored by Ben Carson narrates a Boy who had a negative temperament while growing up as a child. His inability to control his anger nearly killed his friend save for God’s intervention. Of the two children his mother had, he was of a negative temperament than his brother Benjamin. However, the mother who never allowed her background and the marital challenges she faced discouraged her from giving Ben a proper upbringing.

Mothers please don’t allow your background or whatever you may have faced in the past interfere with your child/children’s upbringing.
You can make the best out of that difficult child so don’t give-up. You may not be happy tolerating and correcting him/her now but you will be overjoyed when you see a change in him/her in the future. Change the negative thoughts and things you say about your child. Words are like bullet which cannot be retrieved once they are released.

If you care to find out, most of the largely celebrated people today are the ones who never did well during their childhood or had an extremely negative temperament. Do not condemn your child else the condemnation may bounce back at you when that child gets out of his shell. 

Correct, appreciate and celebrate your child now and you will also be celebrated and appreciated tomorrow. Give your best to your child and you’ll receive the best from your child as well.