Knowing your child’s temperament

 

It is natural to lose your temper sometimes but  not always. Situations and circumstances arise in our daily life that calls for irritation and frustration and often, one may find his/her emotions difficult to control. When you feel overwhelmed by rage, your muscles becomes tense, your heart beat increases, your breathe becomes shorter and faster and your temples start pounding.

There are triggers that may cause you to lose your temper, such are stress, demanding workloads, hectic lifestyles, family; especially children etc. Mothers often lose their temper when their children disobey them, perform badly in school, argue unnecessarily amongst others. While some mothers have a short temper and are easily provoked and enraged, others do not.

As a mother, it is necessary that you know why your child acts the way he/she does. If that child is actually doing what you (the mother), the father or even the grandparents have not done before, you may find out if it is as a result of that child’s temperament or character?

Let’s know what temperament means so that it can help us distinguish between a child’s temperament and character. Temperament is the combination of inborn traits that subconsciously affects a person’s behavior. These traits are arranged genetically on the basis of nationality, race gender and other hereditary factors and these traits are passed on by the genes. Some psychologists suggest that children get more genes from their grandparents than they do from their parents. That could account for the greater resemblance of some children to their grandparents than to their parents, (Tim LaHaye). On the other hand, character is a personality.

Some children are easy going in the sense that they are predictable, calm, obedient and trustworthy while others are more difficult, not able to manage their emotional experiences and expressions with ease. When a child’s personality doesn’t quite fit or match that of other family members, it calls for attention. It can be a challenge to everyone. Of course, no child is like the other, each has his/her own way of doing things.

Temperament is an innate quality of the child, one in which a child is born with. It is somewhat modified (particularly in the early years of life) by his/her experiences, and interactions with his/her immediate family, other people, his environment and his/her health. Temperament is not something that is likely to change much in the future or disappear.

By being aware of some of the characteristics of temperament, a mother can understand her child better than any other person, appreciate her child’s uniqueness and deal with problems that may lead to misunderstandings and conflicts.

I will like to consider some of the major characteristics that make up a child’s temperament:
· Activity level: The level of physical activity, motion, restlessness or fidgety behavior that a child demonstrates in his daily activities.

· Regularity: The presence or absence of a regular pattern for basic physical functions such as appetite sleep and bowel habits.
· Approach and Withdrawal: The way a child initially responds to a new stimulus (he/she may be rapid and bold or slow and hesitant), whether it be people, situations, places, foods, changes in routine.

· Adaptability: The degree of ease or difficulty with which a child adjusts to change or new situations and how the child can modify his/her reactions.
· Mood: The mood, be it positive or negative, the degree of pleasantness or unfriendliness in a child’s words and behaviors.
· Attention Span: The ability to concentrate or stay with a task, with or without distraction.

· Sensory Threshold: The amount of stimulation required for a child to respond. Some respond to the slightest stimulation and others require intense amounts.

Every child has a difficult pattern of the above temperament characteristics. The easy or friendly child responds to the environment around him in an easy manner. His/her mood is positive, and such child is mild or moderately intense. He/she adapts easily to his/her new school, house and easily make friends. When encountering a frustrating situation, the easy child usually does so with relatively little or no anxiety. His/her mother probably describes such a child as a “joy to be around”. About 40 percent of children fall into this category.

Another temperamental profile may reveal a somewhat slow-to-warm-up or shy child who tends to have moods of mild intensity, usually but not always negative. He adapts slowly to unfamiliar surroundings and people.  Such a child is hesitant and shy when making new friends, and tends to withdraw when encountering new people and circumstances. Upon confronting a new situation, he/she is more likely to have problems with anxiety, physical symptoms or separation. Over time, however such a child will come to accept new people and situations once he becomes more familiar with them.

The difficult or challenging child tends to react to the environment negatively or intensely. As an infant, he/she may have been categorized as a fussy baby. As a young child he/she may have been prone to temper tantrums or was hard to please. He may still occasionally be explosive, stubborn and intense and such a child may adapt poorly to new environments and situations. Some children with difficult temperaments may have trouble adjusting at school and their teachers may be complaining. Children with difficult temperaments usually have more behavioral problems and cause more strain on the mother and the family as a whole.

It is necessary to distinguish a difficult temperament from other problems. For instance, recurring or chronic illnesses, emotional or physical stresses can cause behavioral difficulties that are not really problems associated with temperament.

Calling a child all sorts of name or cursing a child will not change his/her temperament but taking time to study and understand his/her temperament will be of great advantage. In our next edition, our focus shall be on coping with children with negative temperament