In our previous edition, we considered five possible ways mothers can teach their children good morals, in this edition we will continue where we stopped.
6. Hold your children accountable for their mistakes: It is possible for your children to get themselves in to trouble either while playing in school or with their peer group. They may get injured while playing, perform poorly in their academics or disobey school rules and receive a detention. You may be tempted to rush in and immediately try to “make things better” for them by going to the principal and ask him to take away the detention or by paying for d broken window yourself, but don’t. If you rescue or defend your children every time the make avoidable mistakes, they will be accustomed to it, they won’t take responsibility for their actions. They need to know that bad choices result in unpleasant consequences. A child that you will always defend will not feel remorseful when he is at fault. He will not have respect for other people’s things neither will he value them.
Because he knows mummy will always support his actions. Allow him pay for some of his avoidable mistakes. For instance, if in the cause of playing with his friends he spoils his friend’s toy, you can make him pay for that by denying him the opportunity of playing with his friends for sometimes even when that same friend of his comes to play with him. Make him feel what he did was bad so that next time he will apply caution. Please I’m not saying you shouldn’t forgive your child or defend him when necessary.
7. Don’t let your children take easy way out of challenges: Don’t encourage your child to stop half way the project he started even if the going gets tough, tiring or mundane. Ben Carson’s mother will always encourage his child telling him “ofcourse, you can do better than that”. That alone made him discover who he was. Be your child’s best adviser. Don’t suggest “short-cut” to him or try to link him with one “illegal god-father” so that he won’t pass through the hard-way.
Do you for once ponder on what will happen to him when you are not there? That’s why you need to tell him words that will ever remain in his heart even in your absence. Suppose your sun begs to sign up for football or a piano training and then wants to quit after two weeks of practice, perhaps your daughter also enrolled for extra moral classes but a week later she wants to drop it when she discovers how much the teacher expects the students to work in other to achieve their goals, it is your role as their mother that can make them continue what they bargained for even when it is not as sweet and enjoyable as they thought. You shouldn’t let your children get out of their commitments though there are exceptions. You don’t want them to become quitters. Remember “quitters never win” and vice versa. Encourage them to finish the projects the start. In the process, they’ll develop perseverance and responsibility.
8. Involve your children in encouraging and helping others: Encourage your children to help others whenever and wherever they can. You never can tell how beautiful their future will be through helping others. It’s amazing how helpful they can be to others just through simple acts of kindness. Try to motivate your children to be helping others. You need to take the lead by being of help to those you can. Create an opportunity for them to develop and practice virtues such as generosity, kindness, compassion and respect.
9. Monitor television and internet use: When it comes to teaching your children values, there will be a lot less “unlearned” that needs to be done if you minimize their exposure to wrong ideas in the first place. Granted, you can’t shelter them from everything but you can and should limit their exposure to television and the internet. Consider putting computers only in areas of your home where the whole family congregates together. “You don’t want your kids surfing the web on a computer in their bedroom where you can’t see what they are looking at”, Dr. Hill warns. Televisions too, should be placed only in areas in your home where the family is together not in kids bedrooms except the channels are under your control. Co-viewing can be a very effective way to filter what kind of ideas are coming into your home and to be aware of what values your kids are being exposed to. If something questionable comes up on a program, don’t be shy about offering your comments during the show or even show off if necessary. After watching a television show, talk to your children about what you just saw. Where there any moral lessons to be gleaned? What kind of character qualities or weaknesses did these people have? Did the character’s actions reflect good values? This will help you know their perception about what they saw.
10. Applaud good behaviour: When you observe you children doing something good, let them know you are pleased with their actions. “Sincere praise goes a long way in reinforcing behviours you’d like to see more”, Dr. Hills say. Point out specific actions your children did that were good, so they know exactly what behaviours they should keep doing. State categorically what he did that you were so impressed about rather than just saying “you are a good boy or girl”. Communication is the key. It is out of place to feel if you should appreciate your child he wouldn’t perform well again. Appreciation is simply encouragement. The bottom line is that you need to communicate with your children. Talk about what they did right, what they did wrong, how to make better moral decisions, what character traits God wants to see in us, why you made certain choices in your own life and family at large. No doubt, it may be time consuming having these kinds of conversations, but you’ll find the results worth the investment.
“Don’t let yourself get so busy that you stop having real conversations with your kids”, Dr. Hill. Depending on their age and destiny, you may have them living in your home for just five to ten years. You need to invest wisely in their lives with the little time you have. “Make sure you build time to your schedule for consistent, quality, one on one discussion with your kids.
Wishing all mothers a prosperous and rewarding 2014.
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