Akpabio and his last moments: An appraisal

BY OTOBONG SAMPSON

For some time I have never said what I believedand never believed what I said andif I do sometimes happen to say what I think,I always hide it among so many liesThat it is hard to recover – Niccolo Machiavelli
I am not a crowd person and so I watched this year’s Akwa Ibom carol night as usual via live transmission from the comfort of my home. The governor noticeably cut the picture of a forlorn guy all through even though he vainly attempted to smuggle in some cheery moments in-between. His welcome speech exposed him the more. Bland. Dull. Dour. Ordinary. Uninspiring. There’s no better way to euphemise the description of that night speech. Whoever scribbled those words of welcome for him probably suffers from defect in speech-writing.

I refuse to think it was the senior pastor of my part-time church – Anietie Ukpe, Pastor. Off script, the man would have been better off. Very likely, his guests and the rest of us would have been regaled with his super performance narrative in series. Nevertheless, on any other day, the Akpabio that is known would have turned what was a thoroughly drab speech into an exciting one while he spoke. But on that night, his characteristic boisterousness, exuberancy and unprocessed yet infectious swagger flew from him. Time is nigh and it is less than two hundred calendar days. The reality struck him hard in public. His countenance and mood betrayed him as he acknowledged it. Clearly, he wished he could stay longer in the Mansion, probably for ever. But it will not be. And so, soon, he would cease to bestride the farmland like Lord of the Manor.

I have a feeling Akpabio would have succeeded where Obasanjo failed in his third term plot. A smart schemer, disapprovingly shrewd and sometimes pleasingly ruthless; with an Ikon-led parliament that houses buyable men with missing balls and women with disappearing faces, the man wouldn’t have any trouble with that. If only states weren’t operating laws that are subordinate to those at the centre. I admit, I am sometimes enthralled by the political mesmerisms of Akpabio, his hypnagogic prowess and seductive charm. If the governor were to have the composition of femininity in its naturalness, he will indeed rival Cleopatra, Ptolemaic Queen of Egypt, in the art of seduction.

The quote above sums up the actions of Governor Godswill Akpabio with regards to the recently concluded nominations of the Peoples Democratic Party in the state and the aftermath has been very troubling for the party though if feigns that all is well. From high-profile clandestine meetings to beer parlour gossips, the governor has become a common adversary whose innards must be ripped open in public glare come 2015.
It is no longer conjectures that the present government has openly caressed corruption, damning us all to go to hell. Its brazen acts of repulsive tendencies are shameful, its boldness is staggering and its tendency to always think that we are undiscerning fools utterly ridiculous. The administration can thumb up itself and nod like Agama lizard in self satisfaction vis-à-vis performance, which in fairness, deserves some accolades. Also, true is that it has heartlessly cornered our collective wealth much more than it has invested for our benefit.

Akpabio’s brand of politics is unabashedly Machiavellian; it seems he sleeps and wakes with a copy of The Prince by his side. When he identifies a dangerous opponent, he goes for the kill. He doesn’t stop there. He superintends over your political dismembering to erase any possibility of your resurrection and possible insurrection.  Like Otto Von Bismarck, Prussian statesman who dominated German and European affairs during his time, he sees politics as the art of the possible. This is where those who had thought he is incapable of producing or supplying his successor missed it.  Ekere, Etteh, Okoko, Abia…can tell the story better. With the Udom abracadabra at the Nest of Champion, the only remaining hurdle now is Umana and his broom. Whether Umana can humble his former pal with whom they dined and wined together in the comfort of their castles remains to be seen. For now, in all their boast, he has left the rest with long tails trailing and dangling between their legs.

Records show the man is gifted in maneuvering his way through the web of complexities. He is a master of the art, well versed in shenanigans. Past and recent events are proof to the shrewdness of Akpabio as a politician. With a gentleman, he is always a gentleman with a half, and with a fraud, he is always a fraud and a half. In politics, duplicity is necessitous; with Akpabio it has become a virtue. His slippery nature makes him hardly a prey for the trap. His unpredictability is a factor for his survival in the power game so far. Akpabio dazzles in his processes of power acquisition, accumulation and usage. If by chance, there is a modicum of civility in the manner he accumulates power, his usage of same is unarguably crude.

Are those who are bitterly opposed to Akpabio and envisaging his fall decent in character? Not really. If Akpabio is a monster, they turned him into one. And it is to their credit that they created quite a monstrous size out of him. The problem is that the governor is smarter than them in the game of deceit. The battle for Akpabio’s successor like every other election is basically that of interest – personal interest, group interest.
Why should the same people who were part of a fraudulent nomination and electoral processes earlier in the height of their power now complain about the same pill given to them in the nadir of their influence? We know their antecedents, we can tell their history. The governor wants to supply us his successor who will help cover up whatever mess he has got and he has got a whole lot. So what? Who in his position wouldn’t want to? It happens everywhere. The difference is that elsewhere, democracy works and the people decide who they want. It doesn’t matter if he/she is the incumbent’s choice.

Akpabio may be uncouth in speech, full of inconsistencies and a reckless spender of state funds as Late Dimba Igwe of The Sun once observed in his column when he wrote on “Akpabio’s beautiful problem”. As a leader, he is without a clear-cut ideology. But as a politician, he is the envy of even his adversaries even though he is lacking in political commitment. Politics, as he views it concerns interest representation; power and its distribution must of necessity serve that purpose. Akpabio understands that “all treaties between great states [and persons]” as Bismarck noted, “cease to be binding when they come in conflict with the struggle for existence”. If Udom wins the general election, let’s watch how loyal he will be to Governor Akpabio and for how long he will govern the state by the dictates of the Akpabio ruling family. Udom may cut a face fit for the cover of Playboy Magazine but if the Akpabios believe he will remain a zombie pulled by their strings for long, then I just dey laugh.

…And Unoma’s daughters
In resplendency they appeared. Radiant and classy, they emitted inner beauty. For once, in a long time, the idea of walking down the aisle became very appealing and burned bright and clear. The first problem was choice. I was confused. Maybe I should even pick two, I soliloquized. I am an African and polygamy is a status symbol in the original home of a black man. It matters less if my two prospective wives came from the same loin. The second issue was my potential mother-in-law. The last time I “offended” her in my capacity as editor, hell was let loose. Hell indeed hath no fury like a woman scorned. I wasn’t sure she has forgiven me enough to accept me as her son-in-law and beneficiary.

However, the anticipated jackpot subdues every other fear or worry. If one daughter would make me a hundred million naira richer and give me a commissioner portfolio in Udom’s administration (that is if he wins), two daughters as wives and it will be double that amount plus elevation to the office of SSG. With our national economy facing the downward slope curve and tougher times being anticipated in 2015, I can be forgiven for seeking to dig gold, albeit just a very tiny fraction of what the in-laws will be retiring home with.
otosamm@gmail.com