For the past three weeks or thereabouts, the word that has dominated both the political and social arena in the country is the other room. In beer parlous, eateries, saloons, betting centres and pepper soup joints, all Nigerians now say with gay disregard is the other room. When the now troubled Madam Patience was the First Lady, her famous diaris God ululation dominated every corner of the nation. In fact, it almost assumed the toga of a slogan in the country. Even after her near cantankerous reign as First Lady, the diaris God lamentation still walked on all fours.
One had thought that no other comic-ridden buzz word will ever replace diaris God. But little did we know that in no time, another, even more striking catchphrase was in the offing. Unlike Patience who was the wife of a seating president, this new catchword in town is the handiwork of President Muhammadu Buhari, the Daura born acetic change champion. The President was responding to an interview his wife Aisha had with BBC wherein she threatened not to support his husband if the former seeks a second term. She went further to accuse her husband of having lost the country to a mindless cabal bent on throwing spanners into the All Progressives Congress’ well-thought out manifesto prior to the poll.
To Aisha, the levers of governance which ordinarily should belong to her husband have been hijacked by people she claimed Buhari does not even know. So, having campaigned vigorously and with the sort of passion that women evince in matters such as election, everything, she now feels frozen out from the scheme of things. She feels robbed of the authority and powers her office deserves. Some commentators have asked thus: does she even have an office? When Buhari assumed power, he declared with lightning immediacy that there will be nothing like First Lady’s office. In the alternative, he opted for the ‘Wife of the President’ as a fitting appellation for his wife, Aisha. So, from the word go, Buhari had already consigned his wife to the other room, kitchen and the living room. When he did that, he was applauded as a strict disciplinarian who has come to bring sanity to governance and, to a large extent, wean the First Lady’s office of the unconstitutional but enormous powers that oo0zed therefrom in the recent past.
But now, the same people that hailed the ex military ruler for doing away with the sobriquet of First Lady are also condemning him for lashing out at Aisha with such asperity. They say he is anti-women, chauvinistic and all of that. But curiously, the man in the eye of the storm is unperturbed. He is carrying on as if nothing has happened. When he made those comments, his handlers were quick to pass it off as a mere joke. They simply asked: can’t the president crack joke again? But while some people were about believing that the comment by Buhari was only a joke as explained by his media team, the unflappable General reiterated his stance with the force and intensity of a loosed Lion that he meant what he said. It was no joke, he insisted. To many, that was a faux pas taken to unpardonable heights. Emergency Women Activists flew into rage. They said the president has no respect for the women folk. For saying that the wife of the president belongs only to the kitchen and the other room, to them, was an affront to all women in Nigeria and Africa in general.
In moments like this, it is normal and expected that diverse opinions will be whipped up by all manner of persons, more so as it involves the President. Some analysts have also morphed into the sartorial purity of sanctimony. Some men are talking as if what they do to their wives is not worse than what Buhari said. This is akin to the biblical adulterer who watched as all her accusers vanished into thin air when Jesus told them told them to cast a stone on her only if none of them has ever sinned. Upon all their fulminations and condemnation, they all left in ignominy because they also were guilty in one way or the other. So, in this case between Buhari and his wife, it is safe to pass it off as a natural squabble a man has with his wife. The only thing bad about it is that it came from the lips of a president more so all the way from Germany. It’s okay to criticise Buhari for the way and manner he addressed a supposedly First Lady.
This is so because, leaders, by the virtue of their positions are expected to be people of immense character, wisdom and knowledge. They need these qualities to lead well; take proper and well-thought out decisions. But when these attributes are not there, a leader fails. In the bible, we read of the story of Solomon who asked God for wisdom. For him, that was enough. He knew that with wisdom, all other things will fall into place. He knew that armed with wisdom, he will be able to take decisions that will benefit the people he is leading -manage their idiosyncrasies and eccentricities and be able to know what to do, say at a particular time that will have the potency of calming turbulent situations. But in this instance, Buhari took what he would have settled within the confines of the other room with his wife to public domain. The result is the backlash that has trailed that moment of diplomatic gaffe.
But do we really blame Buhari. I say so because when people talk of the other room, Kitchen and all that crab, I wonder what is strange about all of that. For one, no living being today can say (s)he is not a product of the other room. Presidents, Governors, Ministers, Professors, Doctors, Teachers, Lawyers, everybody is a product of the other room. So, if Buhari says his wife belongs there, he also automatically is a bona fide member of the other room. So, like it or not, the other room is one of the most powerful rooms in the world.
For married couples, in this room, disputes are settled, big plans are made, children come forth, peace is brokered. Everything happens here. It’s a sacred room of sorts. Not a place for toddlers. No. it’s a place for serious business. In fact, a man who fails to function as he should in the other room, risk losing his marriage. If his nuzzle fails him there, danger looms. And if his wife is not the patient and downright religious type, she will seek solace and comfort from another man who is a better performer in the other room. Such is the power of the other room. It has shattered and mended homes in equal measure. Wives who know their onions guard this room jealously - they may share the kitchen with a maid but certainly not the other room.
For more on the other room, I’ll advise you to ask from newlyweds how they navigated the demands of the other room on their first night. And for further clarification, just in case the newlyweds you confide in fail to tell you all you need to know, please don’t hesitate to seek more information from elderly couples who are still living together in peace and harmony. I’m sure they will oblige you. Go. Now, are we also going to be querulous about women belonging to the kitchen? I can also understand why many are aghast with Buhari for going further to posit that his wife also belongs to the kitchen. For women, the president’s statement diminishes womanhood. How can one say in this age where you have women as presidents of countries, top shots in big companies, belong only to the kitchen? Mr.
President Sir, please give us a break. Are you telling us that the only thing Aisha does is to take care of your stomach plus your conjugal rights in the other room? Even though it is said that the pathway to a man’s heart is via the stomach, did you need to Say it aloud? Well, it’s your home, so, I won’t argue with you where you choose to place your wife. But ever since you talked about that other room, I’ve not stopped wondering how you even function there. At 70 plus, does Buhari still have the energy for those physical gymnastics and calisthenics in the other room? Again, I refuse to argue on this one since you have made us believe that you still have some burst of energy for the exertions in the other room after attending to the myriad of issues confronting the nation on a daily basis at the office. Keep it up, Sir.
But away from all the hullabaloo over what you said of your wife or did not, methinks Aisha had some points in her remarks. Admittedly, what she told the world would have been better settled still in the other room, but going by who you are, austere and seemingly penal, I suppose she might have severally sought to have you talk things over, but you, just maybe, did not see any reason to have any conversation with her on issues that bothered her. To you, what does she want to discuss that she can’t do in the other room and maybe the kitchen where she belongs? So, you gave her no audience hence she had to take issues of the other roomand kitchen to the world.
Robbed of the majesty, influence and affluence office of the First Lady should ordinarily command, Aisha could bear it no more. She had to say it the way it is - straightforward and without pussyfooting. She has not been able to make women, (all those that wore uniforms and shouted themselves hoarse during the battle for Aso Rock) smile. Having put in her time and energy in campaigning and assuring the women of good tidings from the current administration, she had expected to repair the fate reposed in her husband with goodies for them. Alas, she has not been able to do so. Reason? She is the ‘wife of the president’ and not the First Lady as was the case up until Buhari roared into Aso Rock.
Unable to bear the pressure being mounted on her daily by a coterie of women who gave their all in support of Buhari, she had to let the world, and invariably, the women know that in the scheme f things, she is a bench warmer- hardly used or consulted for issues pertaining to statecraft. The only time she is needed is when oga is hungry down the waist soon after refilling his stomach courtesy of Aisha’s kitchen. Conversely, with elections coming in three years time, Aisha is bereft of what to tell the teeming women she convinced with every oomph of her blood and strength of appointments, better lives and all that. Having not fulfilled her loads of freebies promises for the women, she became hard-pressed to bare her mind.
In all, it is ideal for Buhari to take the advice of his wife seriously. It is dangerous for him to hand over the wheels of power to a cabal. He may have done away with the office of the First Lady, it will be logical if he allots some respect to his wife especially when he is outside the shores of the country. One would have taken his comments for a joke, but he goofed with pigheaded swagger when he restated his stance despite his media minders saying that he was at his jocular best. Whether Aisha is clad with the apparel of a First Lady or not, she is the ‘first’ woman of the country by virtue of her husband’s position hence deserves to be respected.
For Aisha and indeed all women, please use the power you have in the other room to the best of your ability. Perhaps, if Aisha Buhari was up and doing (extra effort) in the other room, she could not have been so branded by her anti-corruption czar husband. Nigerians would not want to be treated to the infighting that filled the political and social space on account of the First Family bringing issues that should best be settled in the other room to the public. That, to mind, is the least of our worries right now. Recession, high cost of living and their twin sisters are enough trouble. Aren’t they?
