Addressing issues of marital unfaithfulness

BY PRISCILLA CHRISTOPHER

Marital unfaithfulness can be described as the act of sharing marital dividends to others outside the marital bond. It can also be termed as the inability of a partner to remain committed to their marital vows. In many cases, marital unfaithfulness or infidelity has resulted in heart breakages and is responsible for the high rate of divorce in the society today. Over the years, there have been a long-term debate of who does it better in the game of marital infidelity. While the women folk have posited that their male counterparts are more marital cheats, the male folks also have valid reasons to propose that their female counterparts are experts in the field of marital unfaithfulness. 

Whichever is correct or wrong, marital unfaithfulness is fast becoming a culture in today’s society. Many married men and women still enjoy the company and maintain close ties with friends of the opposite sex they had while they were single. Some reasons they give are that their friends are as biological as their first family who will always be there for them unlike their marital partners who will one day decide to throw them out, should they get fed up of them. Others (men especially) posit that going into their wives constantly may lead to wear and tear in the body system and as such, the need to reserve them and exercise elsewhere is tantamount. 

Another reason given by the male folk is their inability to wait on their wives from the advanced stage of their pregnancies up until 1 or 2 months after delivery. This is closely related to their inability to keep and maintain the home, prepare their meals and do their laundry during their wives’ maternity leave. Similarly, men with housemaids doing all of the house and homechores as well as those whose wives cannot maintain good hygiene in the home have more reasons to be unfaithful, having seen what is lacking in their homes elsewhere.  

Apparently, if there was an acceptable justification for marital unfaithfulness, many men would be excused, given the last reason mentioned above. But this is not the end of the story. Men who do not fall into this category; who have dutiful, respectful, productive, beautiful and faithful wives, still join those who have good reasons to be unfaithful in playing infidelity. While their reason(s) for this is largely unidentified, it can be deduced that these men are naturally covetous, pathologically unsatisfied and having extreme insatiable desire.  

Or what justification can one give for cheating on a woman who is all-encompassing in all ramifications? Those of this category are men who guard their wives jealously but cannot do with just a woman. They are good and faithful husbands at home but have the opposite sex all around them when they go outside and funny enough, they seem to have enough time, energy and resources to go round their fleet of external bodies. Research has shown that these categories of men did not begin flirting by bumping into it but have been in the habit since the days of their youths while others are into it through heredity. That is, inheriting it from either of their parent. Such men may find it impossible to refrain from infidelity.  

On the other end, women, sadly, are also partakers in this field of unfaithfulness. While the society places little or no importance on men seeking pleasure outside their marital homes, it barks hard on women attempting same. The reason for this, though scholastically unverified, is culturally linked to the submissive role the society places on women over their male counterparts. Women according to our society, should be seen and not heard; respectful to their husbands and satisfied with whatever comes out of their marriage without complaining or seeking for relief elsewhere. Asides this, the fact that women are better influencers of their children than men, restricts a woman’s misbehavior if there was ever such intentions. 

Children, by virtue of being closer to their mothers and having them as confidants learn more from them and the same goes for mothers who have found succor in their children’s company. This is perhaps why a sociologist observed that 70% of a child’s overall mental, psychological and social performance is gotten from the mother. But this has in no way restrained some women from going comatose and surprisingly, their reasons for two-timing is lacking in base, substance and essence. 

The first reason women give for hovering around other men is their inability to get optimum sexual satisfaction from their husbands. Another, is their insatiable desire for accessories, money and possessions which their husbands cannot or are not willing to give out due to the harsh economic realities of life. These are the two basic reasons given by women but the question is, are they justified? Are they freed from the emotional, mental and psychological consequence it has on them, as well as the long-term effects? 

Although both men and women are affected by infidelity, the consequence tells more on women than men. A woman is more prone to emotional issues than a man who can easily pull himself up by drinking or sitting-out with friends and any meditation or communication on what transpired with her lovers could expose a woman’s illicit affairs unlike a man who can cover his tracks well without being implicated. Whereas, a man has all the time and energy to spend on his external bodies, a woman has limited time for her housechores and homely responsibilities. Where then lies the time to adulterate? Although these variations differ in terms of individual peculiarities, women still eke out time from their overwhelmingly crowded schedule to cheat on their husbands. An abuse on their womanhood if one may ask. 

Despite its condemnations by social and religious institutions, and its negative effects on those involved, the subject of infidelity has become a trend today and many do not seem to see anything wrong with it. Single men and women in their various associations and peer groupings talk about double-dating and two-timing with an enthusiasm that tells any ardent listener that they will take it into their marital lives. Already, a study on relationships shows that 8 out of 10 relationships are characterized by distrust and unseriousness which has led many to put their eggs in more than one basket to avoid heartbreaks should their partners decide to take a bow. 

Again in this regard, the male folks believe that expressing unreserved love and concern for just one woman could result in the woman taking advantage of such generosity and exercising possession, control and influence on the man. Similarly, the women folk posit that men are heartbreakers who should not be loved wholeheartedly for any reason. This is perhaps why they are quick to suspect and conclude on almost every move and conversation made by their partners. 

This is where the battle of infidelity begins and this perhaps, is where it must be handled from. Constant practice they say, makes perfect for perfection and this applies here. Unfaithfulness in relationships is the gateway to marital infidelity and making it a culture is sure to continue after marriage. 

The way out is for couples and intending couples to see and regard marriage as a divine institution ordained and instituted by God for just two people of opposite sex. The marriage bed, according to the Bible should not be defiled but revered absolutely. This is binding and there are laid-out punishments for defaulters. It pays to be faithful and faithfulness breeds trust in any relationship. It therefore binds on every man and woman to resist infidelity in their marriage and relationship for trust to abide.